


what it's like to be alone.

by redhoods



Series: but this time not alone. [1]
Category: Vampire Diaries (TV)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-04-11
Updated: 2012-04-11
Packaged: 2017-11-03 10:32:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,665
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/380414
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/redhoods/pseuds/redhoods
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Matt catches him looking on occasion, but never asks, just gives him a little smile and turns back to whatever he was doing.</p><p>So he keeps watching.</p>
            </blockquote>





	what it's like to be alone.

**Author's Note:**

> and then you bring me home  
> 'cause we both know what its like to be alone, no  
> and i'm dreaming in your living room  
> but we don't have much room  
> to live  
> \--- listen [here](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZMwI1DlZpyY).

Jeremy is watching him again.

Him being Matt.

Matt, who he’s known his whole life, who is dependable, who is uncomplicated by supernatural forces.

Except for the part where his whole life was torn apart because of said forces.

Jeremy really doesn’t know how Matt does it, but sometimes he thinks it’s just his will to just get through the day that keeps Matt going, his will to prove that bad things don’t have to control your life.

He can admit he’s jealous.

Matt used to be his big sister’s boyfriend that would sneak him to the movies or drive him to the mall so he could exchange his mom’s version of school clothes for his own choices.

Now, he doesn’t know what Matt is.

Aside from maybe different, because Matt seems to be the only one moving on, no matter how much anyone claims to be moving on, they aren’t.

Elena is still stuck on the Salvatore’s.

Caroline and Tyler are literally stuck, unable to age or really actually move on.

Jeremy is just stuck.

His parents are gone, his sister isn’t his sister, his aunt is gone, Vicki’s gone, Anna’s gone.

He’s not really sure where that leaves him, so he works and he goes to school and he acts like his life hasn’t fallen apart around him.

And he watches Matt.

Sometimes, he finds himself opening his mouth to ask Matt how he does it, how he gets through everyday with an absent mother, how he gets through everyday with Vicki gone, how he gets through everyday knowing why Vicki is gone. 

He never does, just shuts his mouth with a sharp clack of his teeth and diverts his attention elsewhere.

Matt catches him looking on occasion, but never asks, just gives him a little smile and turns back to whatever he was doing.

So he keeps watching.

\--

It’s unusually slow at work and Jeremy is left sitting at one of the booths, sorting out coffee stirrers and whatever else people throw at him to keep him busy, though he hasn’t been paying much attention to what he’s been doing since Matt came in for his shift at the bar.

Matt looks up from where he’s talking to a patron and Jeremy immediately drops his gaze down to the items in his hand, continuing to sort through the different types of sugar packets.

A few minutes later, a styrofoam cup is placed in front of him, soda almost sploshing out of the top onto the table, and Jeremy lifts his eyes to watch Matt take the seat across from him and mumbles a soft, “Hey,” to the older teen.

“Hey yourself, Jere,” is Matt’s reply with a small teasing small and Jeremy has a feeling that the elephant in the room is about to be brought up. “What’s up with you?”

Jeremy focuses resolutely on unwrapping a straw and taking a long drink from the soda Matt brought him, trying to delay the inevitable. He considers playing stupid, but decides it’s pointless and Matt would see through it anyways, “How do you do it?”

Matt’s eyebrows lift and Jeremy sucks in a breath.

“After, well -” he makes a wide gesture, trying to get Matt to realize without him having to explain, “How do you keep going? You’re like a machine or something and...I...I guess I just want to know how you do it?”

Understanding immediately filters into Matt’s expression and Matt shrugs, “I guess I’m just honest with myself,” he starts and pauses to lick his lips, like he’s giving himself time to consider his answer, “I realized that no one is going to sweep in a save me, that one day suddenly everything is going to be okay, and I just took it from there. I’m not going to say it’s easy or that it gets easier, because it sure as hell hasn’t, but I will say that taking it one day at a time works. Just get through today and then it’ll be tomorrow, so you get through that day, and then the next. Eventually time will start passing and you’ll be so used to going one day at a time that you won’t even notice.”

Jeremy isn’t sure what to say when Matt stops talking.

“Some days are harder than others, days that make you want to just walk away and never look back and goodness knows that would be a hell of a lot easier, I mean, my mom does it all the time, but you’ve just got to tell yourself that if you walk away now, that’s all you’re ever going to do when times get tough and is that really the kind of person you want to be?”

Biting his lip, Jeremy shakes his head slowly, just letting the words sink in.

Matt looks up and sighs softly, “I’ve got to get back to work,” he states, voice soft as he stands, placing a hand on Jeremy’s shoulder and squeezing softly, “If you want to talk more after your shift, you know where to find me.”

Jeremy nods and doesn’t move for a few minutes after Matt’s gone, snapping back into focus when people start filing in.

\--

Jeremy isn’t sure how long it has been since he and Matt had their talk, or really, since he listened to Matt talk, but he also isn’t sure which way is up and which way is down so he’s not too fussed about it.

The only thing he’s really sure of, is that if he turns right at this intersection, Matt’s house is the third on the right.

He hopes that Matt’s home.

Or that the spare key is still where it was when he was twelve.

Thankfully, Matt’s truck is in the driveway when Jeremy stumbles up and so he can just slump against the space next to the front door once he finally manages to get his drunk feet up the stairs. He knocks a few times, the sound echoing in his head, making it pound just a little more than it already was.

There’s a shout from somewhere in the house but Jeremy is too far gone to discern it. A few minutes later though, the door swings open and Matt is standing there in a pair of shorts, a towel in his hand, “Jere?”

Jeremy pushes away from the wall and stumbles a little from the force, furrowing his eyebrows as he focused in on Matt, “Uh, hey, Matt,” he manages after a few seconds of just staring.

“Jesus, you smell like a brewery, get in here,” Matt mutters, eyebrows furrowed as he wraps an arm around Jeremy’s bicep and drags him into the house. Jeremy knows he’ll be embarrassed when he’s sober and lucid, especially when Matt has to practically manhandle him through the house and deposits him on the couch. “Stay here. I’ll go make some coffee.”

The gesture is pointless though, because Jeremy tips sideways to lay down and is out before his head hits the couch.

\--

When he wakes up, his head is pounding and his mouth feels like it’s full of tiny dead animals. There’s a glass of water and a bottle of aspirin on the coffee table in front of him though and Jeremy takes two dry before pushing himself to sit up right slowly. His shoes are off and there’s a blanket over him.

Blushing, Jeremy downs the glass of water and is glad that Matt isn’t anywhere to be seen. He lets his feet carry him to the bathroom once he feels like it’s safe to even stand, relieves himself, swishes mouthwash around for what feels like twenty minutes, and then returns to the living room.

It’s a shock to see Matt sitting on the couch, “If your shoes weren’t still here, I might’ve thought you bolted.”

Jeremy swallows and rubs the back of his neck sheepishly, sitting at the opposite end of the couch, “I considered it, mostly from mortification, but manners won out and I wanted to thank you for not telling me to get lost or something,” he states with a little shrug.

Matt shrugs and grins a little, “Well, after Elena’s party, I think we’re even.”

Huffing, Jeremy nods, fidgeting a little.

“Look, Jeremy, if -”

“It’s just that -”

They both laugh, sheepish, before Matt waves his hand, “Go ahead.”

Jeremy gnaws on his lower lip before nodding slowly, “Just, I really don’t know how you do it. I tried, one day at a time, but it’s hard,” he mumbles, pressing his hands hard into his thighs, “I can’t seem to get away from the reminders. Waking up and expecting Jenna to be there cooking breakfast, going to school and expecting to see Vicki...” he trails off, sparing a glance at Matt, “I don’t know how you do it.”

“Get away from the reminders for a few days then?” Matt suggests softly, turning towards Jeremy, “I crashed at Tyler’s after Vicki,” he shrugs his shoulders a little, “You could stay here for a few days or whatever, until you get yourself going?”

Frowning, Jeremy drops his gaze to his lap, twisting his family ring around on his finger, “I’d hate to -”

“Jere, if you say ‘impose’, I might be forced to slug you.”

Loosening at the light barb, Jeremy lefts himself relax for the first time since he had woken up, “Alright. Yeah, I’ll take you up on that offer.”

Watching Matt out of the corner of his eye, he sees the older teen stand and nod before actually turning his head to look at Matt, returning the smile he gets.

“You should go home. Talk to Elena, let her know what’s up,” Matt suggests softly.

Jeremy nods and pushes himself up to stand, shoving his hands into the pockets of his jeans, “I really appreciate this, Matt.”

Matt shrugs his shoulders, crossing his arms over his chest, “Yeah, yeah, whatever, get out of here. I’ve got to get ready for work.”

**Author's Note:**

> for jessica.
> 
> sort of awkward ending, but i didn't want to force it on any further. also this is completely unbeta'd so if you see any mistakes, just let me know.


End file.
